I woke up with a yawn and slammed my palm onto my alarm clock,shutting it off. I layed in my bed for a couple minutes enjoying the warmth before throwing my blankets off and dragging my feet across the cold wood floor to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and I stared at the reflection facing back. My dark maroon hair was in tangles and mats with frizzy hair flying in all directions. My green eyes were squinting still not used to the morning light and my clothes were wrinkled with sleep. I yawned yet again and went to the washroom.
I walked out and my little sister Ivy rushed in giggling and hyper. I shook my head at her ability to be so happy all the time. I thumped down stairs and headed to the fridge for a glass of orange juice. Once I got it I headed back upstairs to my room. I yanked my phone out of my charger and unlocked it and immediately tapped the Instagram icon I scrolled through my feed and took a sip of my orange juice.
Or I tried, it was frozen. I quickly pulled my lips back from the glass frightened by the sudden coldness. I dropped my phone onto my bed and peered in my glass. Yup it was frozen. I set it carefully onto my bedside table as if it were to explode. I looked back at my phone and saw that I had scrolled to a picture of coloured snow that my friend shared. I looked back at the glass wondering what was going on. I grabbed my phone once again but then I noticed the time. “Already 7:30!” I screamed and ran to my closet to grab my clothes for the day.
The bell rang as I walked in. Our teacher Mr.Alez gave me a dirty look. I sat down beside my best friend Hale and quickly opened my book to the page we were reading. I doodled on a different piece as he talked on and on. That is until he called on me. I nervously looked at him. “Well?” He asked, the whole class laughed. I looked up at him about to admit that I didn’t know the answer. And thats when his table erupted in flames. Everyone was screaming yet strangely not me. Sprinklers sprayed water all over the room as we ran out the door into the un-supervised crowd of students rushing towards any exit. Strangely I felt a lot calmer now. I grabbed Hales hand and tugged her towards the main exit.
We reached outside and noticed a big crowd, we pushed our way in to find the scene of a large guy beating down on a girl. Hale rushed in being who she is yelling “STOP” as I came in behind her.
We were both talking to the victim when I felt a tap on my back. I turned around to see a guy about a foot taller than me he was looking at his fist confused. I put it together and realized that it wasn’t a tap it was a punch. I looked back at Hale and she was helping her up. I turned back at the bully and he lunged at me and tried to punch my face. In a flash i was sitting on him on the ground pinning his arm behind his back. He yelled “STOP IT HURTS!” Everyone looked at me amazed as I got off him. I would too because I had no could I could do anything like that.
After the fire we were all sent home. But after the weird fight l haven’t seen Hale. I planned to text her when I got home. As I walked in the doors I heard rummaging upstairs. It couldn’t be my mom because she’s still at work and Ivy was still at school. As slowly as possible I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and tiptoed upstairs. I realized the noise was coming from my room and I jumped into the doorway only to see Hale stuffing a bag full of my stuff on my bed. I relaxed and said “Hale I thought you were a robber” I told her and set the knife on my shelf. When she didn’t answer I walked over to her and asked “what are you doing?” “We’re leaving.” She said blankly and I looked at her confused. “What?” I asked but no answer. She zipped up my bag and threw it over her shoulder. She walked downstairs and I followed still wondering what she was doing.
We reached the downstairs kitchen. And she set the bag on the island. And looked me in the eyes. I stared back at her blue ones. “You’re a elementer” She said. I looked at her confused. “A what?” “A elementer is someone who controls all four elements, a elementer is born every four years.” She told me and I stayed silent. “A winder aka me, is assigned to protect a elementer until their powers start to show. Once they show I take you to Xion.” “Wait what’s Xion?” I asked “A boarding school that teaches you subjects as well as how to control your powers.” “But aren’t there four elements?” I asked “yeah” she replied “Well I think I’ve only shown water and fire.” I said. “Well those are the weakest elements.” “Earth and wind are stronger”
After talking for a bit she got a text and she grabbed my hand rushing me outside. We hopped in a car and she pulled out keys and turned on the engine. I realized that I was going to Xion and was probably never going to come back. I looked at my house that held so many memories. The car started and I looked at the road ready for whatever was going to be thrown my way.
Overall this story makes sense and the technical errors present don’t impede the reader’s understanding. Focusing on developing transitions from one event to the other would help the story flow and would clarify the development of her abilities. The story very much reads like an introduction to a novel. You should continue to develop this story.
This story was awesome. i enjoyed the ending, i wish there was more!
I love the idea of the story! The only thing that made me think was how fast things were. well….. it is a short story so it must be just me…..#1
it was a good story but it was kinda weird how the element powers were randomly introduced, but other than that, it was very descriptive and well put together, good job
this is arialey awsom story
NICE SPELLING VANDERHEE
the story was very detailed it reminds me of avatar with all the elements its like its making a new story with different characters and a new story learning all the new elemental types very good and detailed i love the avatar series i am a big fan of the avatar but this isn’t necessarily the avatar its an adaptation from the avatar
a very Descriptive Short story with a neat Twist
loved it you got my attention! awesome description i could see a picture in my mind and everything you got my vote
great story! i really liked the ending.
great story! very descriptive
i love it how hale took her to xion and was her best friend
I like the way that you lead to the fight at the beggining with the fire and leading them outside good job
great story! I like how she had the instinct to fight
i like all the details and the idea of the story it reminded me of frozen though and when the juice turned frozen was nifty
Okay I think this is very well written.. I like how at the beginning it started out like a normal day for a student.. then it turned to something different. You should find a way to explain why the fight was happening because I had a hard time following it. Overall I really enjoyed this story.
you described your characters very well and I like the way you wrote your story.
When an author is able to describe characters so well that I visualize the character in my mind I am drawn into their writing. In your first paragraph not only did you draw me in, but I could almost visualize the characters personality and attitude. Very well done!
This story displays an excellent imagination. Some of the descriptions were very good, but then I had a bit of trouble following the bully scene. When using pronouns, be sure the reader can understand to whom you’re referring. The writing shows excellent potential, but I think if you proofread it before handing it in you could do even better.
I just want to clarify that I think you have an excellent writing style, and that I think by practicing proofreading your own work, you will be an even better writer!
Very well Written. Great description of yourself and your little sister Ivy. I had no idea where the fire came from or where it was leading. You and your friend H ale’s actions I. Deff sing and helping the victim we’re refreshing. Intiguing storyline unfolded well as you explained the connection between the two of you, and the neccessity to leave for everyone’s safety and your fulfillment of destiny. Great story.
i really liked all o fthe detail in the story and it really made the story a lot better