I was a simple fox living a simple life and living in a very simple den until the day that it all changed……
My name is Anita. I’m a red fox that collects items that are not of the usual sort.
I once found a small thing that looks like grass wrapped together in knots.
I somehow got it around my paw. Since I like it I kept it on but all the other animals think i’m crazy for picking up random things I find on the forest floor.
The thing is that all foxes did this pick up things and stashes them just in case they come in handy.
My mother once told me that her mother told her that she once had a sharp shiny thing in her den and when a wolf came by and tried to take her she took the sharp thing and tossed it at the wolf and it got stuck in its eye. It gave her just enough time to escape from the wolf.
I was out in the forest hunting for a rabbit and saw something sparkle in the distance.
I knew right then I had to find out what it was. It was like it was calling to me. I cautiously walked through the trees muffling my footsteps by walking on the rocks.
Apparently when I was not paying attention to where my paws landed I stepped on a twig it snapped in half with a crack and the shiny thing disappeared.
NO! I think to myself just as I was about to turn around I see it again just a few trees away from me this time I didn’t waste time worrying about my paws.
I move swiftly towards the sparkly object. I moved as close as I dared without scaring it. What was “it”? I move towards the object. I jumped when it turned and face me.
“Please dont eat me” It pleaded“
I wont if you tell me what you are” I say trying to sound tough.
“ I’m a wisp named Cil” She said in a proud tone.
“I’m Anita a red fox” I say then i sat and wrapped my tail around my paws to keep them warm.
“Wow what a lovely tail you have” She says kindly.
“Why thank you but you are most beautiful” I said in awe.
Now that I actually look at her I see her beautiful silver body, her long tail with fur at the end and pitch black eyes that are strangely comforting. She looks like a ferret a beautiful one.
“Do you need a place to stay Cil you can stay at my place if you want?” I asked trying to stay focused.
“Oh yes please if you would have me. We walk back to my den.
On the way back I gathered some grass and leaves for Cil to sleep on If she sleeps i might not let her because I will ask to many questions. Finally we get back to my den. I let her in first trying to be a good host I make a bed and realize that i have no food to offer.
“What do eat you Cil?” I ask hoping its not something to hard to get. “I eat bluegrass it can be found anywhere”.
“ I know a place where blue grass grows its a lush plain of the grass its beautiful would you like to accompany me or stay here its your choice.” I say hoping she would stay.
“I will stay here if you don’t mind i am very tired and need a rest” she says.
“Of course” I try to say without enthusiasm
I walk out of my den and start running towards the field. I look out and see something moving in the field. The Guard. Oh no I need to get her food! I ran down and snachted some. “STOP!”
I turn around to see and old badger stumbling after me. I looked around desperately looking for an escape.
“You take my grass and you try to run” He declared “I should make you my servant for your crimes but no I will do something much much worse.” “ I curse you with the curse of loss.” The bagger yelled at me.
Then it all went dark.
I woke up to see Cil standing in front of me.
“Hey theres life! I wondered when you would wake.”
“Can you get the blue grass from the kitchen?”
“what happened?” I asked
“Well I think you got sick on that bark you tried to eat last night you feeling okay?” Cil asked
It was just a dream! A dream! to think I actually thought it was real.
I walk to the kitchen take the blue grass to Cil then walk outside. I see something big the distance something swirling.
“A TORNADO” I scream
Cil came running out
“No no no I dont want to go home please let me stay” She cried
“What! where are you going? I ask
Wips are immortal we can’t stay here forever”
“It’s my turn to leave” She yelled because the screaming of the wind was getting louder
She ran of to the top of the nearest mountain and I followed just before the tornado got to the mountain she said
Thank you so very much for being my friend I will never forget you.
I won’t either I promise. I said tears spilling from my eyes.
And with that she was taken into the tornado.
Overall the story makes sense and the technical errors present do not impede the reader’s understanding. The story’s theme of friendship is clear but the events before the climax are confusing. In the end this is a nice fairy tale with an important lesson.
this is a good story but it is very sad at the end
it’s good but it’s a simple story line
good story aria!!!
it was good but simple
whats a wisp?
Its like a Fairy but it leads you to your destiny I made it my own version though
i like it a lot its creative
The start is just like tinker Bell
Great job Aria it was really good,I like how her hobby of finding things grew into something even bigger. Although it was quick transitions it was really good. Keep it up!
Very imaginative. Be careful of changing tense in the middle of paragraphs from past to present.
Interesting the way the fox grew. First it simply wanted to stash shiny things and by the end the shiny thing turns into a caring friend.
Be more aware of transitions so the story will flow better.
Creative and interesting.
I enjoyed this story. The main characters red Fox and Col are well defined. The intrigue of a shiny item used for protection and seeing Col for the first time are a nice connection. I was a little unsure what happened when it all went dark.. You explained it was sleep from eating bark. Cil seems to change her mind quickly from wanting to stay to accepting having to go with the tornado but provides good explanation why. She also gives appreciation for red Fox’s hospitalityproviding shelter and wanting to provide bluegrass for Cil. even though it was difficult to get, which is a nice touch and good moral lesson inside your story.